You say, “rut” like it’s a bad thing

So I was sitting on my side of the couch a couple weeks ago, next to my husband on his side. Drinking tea from my mug, he drinking tea from his mug. Watching a show on the pvr that we record every week and watch together. One of the couples on the show is talking about how they must be in a “rut” and how terrible it is being in a rut and how, how, how can they get out of this rut? And of course, I got to thinking.

I’ve spent almost 40 years developing this person I call “me”. I’ve tried activities, sports, foods, living arrangements, friends, boyfriends, jobs, technology, clothing, partying, studying…I’ve tried a lot of things. All to figure out what it is that I like/enjoy/prefer.

We used to live in Toronto, and chose to sell our house and move to the suburbs. We. Chose. This. It was a lovely area, but wasn’t for us. We now live in the ‘burbs in a place that feels like home. We have a quiet life with two kids who are amazing, curious and quirky and an furry old cat who causes me grief. We do the same things most nights, we eat at favourite restaurants, we wear favourite clothing, we do favourite things. This doesn’t mean I don’t introduce anything new into my life; of course I love new things. I love learning, and doing and going and meeting and all that fun stuff. But I also love my soft place to land when that’s over.

So I guess we’re in a rut.

But you know what? I really, really love my rut. I’ve taken great care to make my rut a happy, loving, comfortable place to be and I don’t feel one ounce of guilt over that.

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Alex

11 thoughts on “You say, “rut” like it’s a bad thing

  1. >I think a rut is all about perspective. A rut can either be a well worn and comfortable path that we enjoy taking, know well and find solace in…or we can look at a rut as a well worn path that we keep getting our tires stuck in and it leads us down the same path every time. Some people like comfort, some like to break free and some like the comfort until they wish to break free and create a new rut. Each serves a purpose šŸ™‚

  2. >I totally agree, Tammi – a rut can be confining, or comforting.

    But I really do love mine, and I'm happy others like theirs, too. šŸ™‚

  3. >I think a large part of what constitutes rut is satisfaction. What you describe here sounds a lot more like carefully crafted habits than a rut. So if you see others with similar habits calling their situations "ruts," it's easy to wonder if it all applies to you, too. But there are strong individual differences at play here. You don't sound like you're struggling much (if at all), and I am so happy for you. Let the others spend the rest of their lives chasing ghosts called "ruts" that increasingly skeptical me really just suspects is super effective marketing forces at work.

  4. >I love my rut, too! Awesome post. I strived all my life to marry the man of my dreams and have kids. Now I've got it, and I couldn't be happier. My dream came true. My rut is in place. šŸ™‚

  5. >Hmm. I see a rut as a place you get stuck in, that prevents you from growing – something stifling and unsatisfied and where you just can't seem to hit on what you need.

    What you're calling a rut I'd call a groove – haha! Where you're comfortable and satisfied and happy with your level of productivity.

  6. >I have been in a so-called rut for like 10 years, and I'm pretty happy also. My hubs are happy doing our thing, even if we rarely go south of Steeles. Sometimes I think we're bored, but then I realize that we like our nice, sweet, quiet existence. I think you're doing exactly what you want to be doing. I've met you and you seem damn happy!

  7. >Ruts rule. The big city's overrated.

    Side note: The insanely massive Bon Jovi fan in me wants to sing this: You Give Rut a Bad Name.

    Bahaha. But you don't. You give rut a fun, loving, happy, sweet name.

    Lisa

  8. >Heehee, thanks everyone.

    Lindsey, I like that definition. I'll stick with that. Groovy. šŸ˜‰

    Mara, I'm glad you like your rut, too.

    And Lisa… honestly? You're a Bon Jovi fan? (I had to resist from calling him BJ.) I'm re-evaluating our friendship.

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