#ShowMeYourBrave: When Family First Breaks Family Bonds
When we get married and start our own families, it’s often difficult to balance the needs and wants of our original family, and those of our nuclear family. What happens when one must take precedence over the other? These struggles can lead to hurt feelings, and broken relationships, while strengthening others. It’s so difficult to balance these needs, and this story breaks my heart.
The scariest most intimidating thing I have ever done is asking my mother to move out of my house. Sounds simple, I know. It was far from simple. She had lived with us for five years, my three kids needed our basement to play and grow and I simply needed the room.
In my head it was simple: I would ask her to leave, explain my reasoning, we would apartment hunt and decorate the new place together. That is so far from what happened.
In July 2012 I asked her to leave, and that was the last time we really spoke. She took it as an insult, as the most pain someone could inflict on her. She stayed until September but during those weeks did not talk to me and barely talked to my children.
I have not tried to mend the fences because she is toxic, and myself and my children do not need her in our lives. There are times where I miss her terribly — so painfully so — but the person I miss is not the person that exists. The person she became when she lived with me was a far cry from the person that existed when my oldest daughter was small and would go and have sleepovers at grandma’s. She was in the delivery room when all my kids were born but have only seen them twice since September 2012.
I had no idea that putting my family first would be one of the toughest things I ever did and that I would lose my mother in the process. Conquring this scary part of my life made me stronger and although it hurt like hell in the beginning, I am pretty sure it saved my marriage and my children.
The #ShowMeYourBrave Project asks people, “What’s the bravest, scariest, or most intimidating thing you’ve ever done?”. The idea of the project is to share stories of everyday bravery and human resilience to bring us closer together. In sharing, we not only find our voices, but we find support, allies, and others who have faced similar challenges. If you would like to submit your story, we would love to feature your bravery here.