Near-death by hashbrown
Every morning I wake up at 6:30 and check my friendly social media outlets. Facebook and Twitter at that time in the morning, are brimming with happy morning folks starting their days. My timelines are generally awash in, “Just got back from the gym!” and “Check out this healthy smoothie I made!” while I sip hot, black coffee contemplating just how bad it would be if I ate that chocolate-covered-Skor-bit-dipped marshmallow for breakfast.
Today, I had a particularly tumultuous morning with Mason. He’s the very definition of three-years-old, you see, and likes to push mommy’s very worn-down buttons. It’s a struggle getting him up, dressed and out the door to take Story to her bus, which arrives way too freaking early at 7:30. When I managed to finally get him to preschool (only ten minutes late, yes!), I decided I’d treat myself to a lovely McDonald’s breakfast. Take note that while I do love this disgusting food, it isn’t something I eat very often.
When I got home, I plopped myself down on the couch to enjoy my breakfast in total silence. All alone. I was feeling pretty smug at this point. In my head, I had planned out a snarky tweet: I’d razz all my friends about how they had to deal with chia seeds stuck in their teeth and deep green bowel movements while I, I was enjoying this heavenly breakfast.
That’s when I inhaled a piece of my hashbrown and my entire life flashed before my eyes. Ok, that’s a slight exaggeration, but the gist is this: I sucked back a tiny piece of mushy potato-like-substance so far into my esophagus I didn’t even know that part had feeling and ohmygod it hurt. I cough, and then couldn’t quite get the air to cough again and all I could think was, “OhmygodwhowillpickMasonupfromschoolandwhatiftheyfindmedeadonthefloorwith McDonald’strasharoundmethatwouldbepost-mortemmortifyingpleaseletthisnothappen.”
And that stupid piece of hash brown went flying out of my throat and onto my leg.
So naturally, I tweeted about it (read from the bottom up):
So that’s pretty much been my morning. How are you?