How can I find it if I don’t even understand what it is?

It’s like a game I play with my daughter, where she draws something and I’m supposed to guess what it is. But she’s 5, and has a wild imagination far beyond the calibre of her artistic skills, so let’s be honest here: I’m not likely to get what that squiggle-dot-dot-circle-stick legs thing really is, am I?

That’s how I feel about “finding my bliss“.

I read all these posts about people being “blissed out”, having “found [their] bliss”, and I just sit and stare at my monitor wondering exactly what the hell that really means. Does not knowing mean I’m somehow broken? Missing a piece? Am I not seeing the joy or beauty or (god forbid) happy happy sweet unicorn lollipop love that everyone else is finding? Or does it mean I just haven’t found mine yet?

My friend Karma tells me that my bliss is whatever gives me tingles. It’s whatever makes me feel fulfilled and excited. Surely my bliss can’t really be chocolate ice cream. Can it?

Last night, I had a long discussion with my husband about life. In general. In specifics. You know, one of those conversations that has you chatting in circles and wishes for hours on end? It was wonderful and maddening and wistful and full of plans and dreams.

And while I still really have no concrete idea exactly what (beyond ice cream) my bliss may be, I think we’re at the very least on a new path to a world of excitement and happiness. And that is wonderful.

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7 thoughts on “How can I find it if I don’t even understand what it is?

  1. >For me, bliss isn't a thing that I can pick up and hold, it's all in my head. I spent years chasing after something that just wasn't there, and it was the sensei at a Buddhist meditation class who pulled me aside into his office one day and told me to stop looking, because I already had it. I thought he was crazy at first, and I didn't really know what he meant, but it was the first of many "A-HA!" moments for me. My life still isn't totally unicorns and rainbows and bunnies skipping through the meadows holding hands, but I think I've found my bliss where I least expected it to be.

    But ice cream is a close second. Especially if it's the PC brand stuff… the brownie chunk and the peanut butter cup flavours are seriously amazing.

  2. >I agree with the tingles thing. It hits me at different moments, but mostly when I'm doing what I love.

    And then there's Ben & Jerry's Coffee Heath Bar Crunch. 🙂

  3. >Sam, it's not that I'm unhappy, or seeking fulfillment. It's the word "bliss"… really? Is it the key to life? I'm finding it interesting, all the opinions about it.

    Leslie, I'm craving ice cream now. And I'm also happy to do things I love. But "bliss"? Still not sure. 🙂

  4. >Mine is cupcakes, and wine, and coffee… I totally get what you're saying. I'm not really blissed out, but definitely happy and I love life. Interesting. Maybe we're looking too hard for something that is really simple.

  5. >I don't really get it either. The closest I've felt is sitting with my mom after a long absence, and drinking steaming cups of cocoa.

  6. >I meant to come back and comment again sooner, but I totally forgot. Oops! I guess for me it's not any one thing that gets me to that point of bliss. Sometimes it's a cup of tea and a quiet moment, sometimes it's a snuggle from my kids, sometimes it's a cool autumn breeze. It's never anything to brag about, but it's certainly *my* bliss. I do know that since letting go of the eternal search and just enjoying what *is* as often as I can, I get that warm, fuzzy, peaceful, I-am-so-happy-I-could-cry feeling a lot more.

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