Look, I’m almost done being 40, and I had a crazy year, so I wanted to do a little wrap-up. I did mud runs, got tattoos, bought a sports car, and wound up in marriage counselling. That’s a whole lot of drama for one little year, don’t you think? Let’s just say my year of being 40 was interesting, to say the very least.

Something happened when I neared 40 — I know, it’s cliche, and maybe I played right into it, but I gotta tell ya, things are different here. Maybe it was a midlife crisis, I don’t know. I felt an urgency to find myself, to be happy, to move past the things that had been holding me back.

40 is freeing. It’s scary as hell, and sobering, and crazy but also, yeah, it’s amazing.

So here are 40 things about being 40 that you can either relate to, or look forward to:

40. I realized I’m the demographic referred to as “middle-aged”

39. The music of my youth isn’t even retro anymore, it’s “oldies”

38. I recognize exactly nobody at music awards shows

37. Nobody inappropriately flirts with me anymore

36. That annoying whisker on my chin is no longer alone

35. I totally understand why people get facelifts

34. Many of my friends (I’d say most, actually) are having marital problems and/or are divorced

33. I haven’t been dancing at a club in years

32. I’m fairly sure today’s youth is going nowhere good

31. I swore I’d always be cool, but nope, I’m decidedly uncool, and actually really ok with it (20 year old me would die!)

30.I don’t feel the guilt I used to feel

29. I actually don’t hate the idea of elastic-waist denim

28. I say things like, “When I was your age, a chocolate bar was 35 cents!”

27. I went blonde to more easily hide my greys

26. I no longer tolerate bullshit

25. Sex is amazing

24. While I miss my youthful body, I love this one so much more than I ever loved it before

23. Anyone under 30 is just a kid still

22. One glass of wine means I better not have an early morning the next day

21. I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee

20. I am basically nobody’s demographic, unless they’re advertising incontinence products

19. I actually really love cleaning my house

18. I’ve learned how to say “no” loudly and clearly

17. I know my strengths and I’m damn proud of them (most of the time)

16. I cry over the stupidest things (puppies! old people! babies!)

15. I do daring things now, and people question my sanity and wonder if it’s a “midlife crisis”

14. I am the same age as Charlize Theron. . . why do I look old enough to be her mother?

13. I realize now that everyone’s just faking life, and nobody has it all figured out, and that makes me happy

12. This is 40 is the most relatable movie I have ever, ever seen

11. I get to sleep in on a regular basis

10. I open my mouth and my mother’s words fall out

9. I bid adieu to the deadweight people in my life with zero guilt

8. I sing loudly and give no craps about who can hear me or what they think of my singing voice

7. I am so much more tolerant of absolutely everything. Except bullshit. I repeat: no bullshit.

6. I seriously contemplate aging on a regular basis, and actually hope I get to do it

5. I’ve visited my doctor for tests more in the last year than I have in the last ten

4. I really, really dig the person I am

3. I can hold a pencil under my butt cheek

2. I have no guilty pleasures, they’re all just plain pleasures nowadays

1. I know the value of time and want to spend it with my loved ones