Feminism Farce | I don't blog, but if I did...

Feminism Farce

the farce of feminism

That’s a screenshot of a casual tweet I sent. In the past, I’ve also often wondered how people can talk so terribly about celebrities (especially during awards shows) and not see how terrible it must feel to read those things about oneself. How can we tear that woman down, but build this woman up, and think we’re doing anything positive for ourselves? We can’t. That’s the farce of feminism, isn’t it? We can judge her, and still be great feminists because look at us over here standing up against inequality!

I wouldn’t survive celebrity, I’m sure of it. I was recently part of a Canon ad, and I want to share some of the comments about the video from their FB page. Most of the negative comments were from women, is that a surprise? But I’ll share just two of each. And I guess since they all left these comments on a public Facebook page that they’re ok with their names being on their words.

What I find interesting about this first one is that this woman actually has a mutual friend with me. So I’m not some imaginary person, I’m someone she could potentially run into in the community. We aren’t actors, so perhaps that’s why it was poor acting? I bet if this woman is a mother and someone said things like that about her child, she’d be outraged. And I don’t know what’s more confusing — her criticism of the acting, or the fact that she can’t understand that it’s a commercial.

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And this. This is what this young woman decided to comment on? My pants? They weren’t tights, by the way. Not that it matters because I can wear whatever the hell I want and that doesn’t give you the right to negatively comment on it, does it?

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This gentleman needs to vomit from how fake A COMMERCIAL was. As opposed to the rest of the media he consumes, which I assume is so real it hurts, right?

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And then there was this comment about my size. I would rather have someone call me fat, honestly. The idea that some anonymous troll derived some sexual pleasure out of my size makes ME want to vomit.

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She looks terrible in that dress.
Did she sleep her way into that job?
If only they didn’t look so skanky. 
Her makeup is so trashy.
She’s just so ugly.
She’s too fat. She’s too skinny.
Are her boobs real?
She needs a nose job.
Oh my god, she’s had work done to her face.

Can you just imagine how you would feel reading these things about your daughter? Do you think that celebrities, or anyone on the internet isn’t real? Would you feel proud if your child was leaving these comments?

My disappointment about how women talk about (and to) other women is overwhelming. I don’t want my daughter growing up thinking her wardrobe is anyone’s business but her own. Her size doesn’t matter, and your opinions about her don’t count. But I also don’t participate in this kind of conversation because that’s not the behaviour I want to model.

Do you? Is that really how you want to be known?

What kind of feminism is this that allows us to protect our own and unscrupulously take down every other female? I don’t want to be a part of that feminism.

You’re beautiful.
You’re smart and important.
The things that make you different make you special.
I love you.
You’re valued.
You have amazing things to contribute to this world.
Your insecurities do not define you, and I won’t allow them to define me, either.

Let’s be better. Let’s be kinder.

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9 Responses to “Feminism Farce”

  1. Sharon

    I went through this when I did my commercial. Some of the comments were so horrific I actually had to laugh (why yes, I WAS compared to a mental patient). So I called my kids over and had them read the comments and asked them what we should do. Their first response was “say something back!” which is when I explained to them that you always have to remember there’s a person behind the computer screen and once you say mean words (or type them), it’s like squeezing a tube of toothpaste. It’s nearly impossible to get that toothpaste back in. We also talked about how these people were probably pretty nice people in real life who would never say something like that to my face. At the end of the day, the comments were awful but that teaching moment was priceless.

  2. SLFarnam

    You caught me on a great day for a rant. Mary *bleeping* Sunshine is taking February off. (So cranky!!) :<

    People, to put it as succinctly as possible, stink. The level of just plain meanness I see everyday online is enough to make me (ME!) want to unplug everything, unsubscribe from everything and move to an island sans power.

    There are a MILLION opportunities in any given day to do good, say nice things, think nice thoughts, to be kind. And yet, we see a constant barrage of trash online (tv and print aren't getting off scott free either!).

    Take awards shows for example. I don't get to see many movies and I sure as hell choose wisely for myself when I do, so the season of award shows is fun for a few reasons. First of all, I get to see which movies I might like to see, etc. Secondly, I can connect with friends as we chat online about the shows, etc. Third, I enjoy "live" anything these days and when I hear a favourite actor/comedian/musician (Hello! Annie Lennox, Ed Sheeran) it's really fun for me!

    But! Holy horrendous commentary from the peanut gallery. It's like all bets are off for humanity when there is a screen separating two people.

    People being the operative word. Human beings. Flesh and bone and feelings, just like you and me.

    We CAN do better. We can always do better. Even when we do well (and good!) we can do better.

    Kindness is not optional.

  3. Melissa Cahoon

    I bawled my eyes out watching your reaction. I’m sure a combination of feeling your emotion on what each picture represented, the fact that your hubby put everything together so seamlessly and completely being caught off guard is what carried the commercial so eloquently.
    I sometimes wonder what makes men and women alike choose to express themselves in such harsh ways. Is it a defense mechanism? Jealousy? Whatever the reason, comments hit hard in your heart even when you do your very best to avoid it like the plague. Its the nature of the beast I suppose. What makes you , YOU, is your ability to take a moment and make it authentic, honest and true. Chin up!

  4. Christine

    A consumer reports reporter came to my house once to do a story on the CFL light bulbs when they were new. The idea was to talk about real people saving money.
    The comments were horrendous.

    Did I mention it was about light bulbs?

    It’s odd what people will pick apart. One even thought i was participating in some weird electric company conspiracy.

    I hope you at least enjoyed doing the commercial. Here’s to treating each other with respect!

  5. Halyma

    Thank you. Yes. I’m part of a group where someone posted a pic of a celebrity and commented negatively on her shoes – her shoes?!? Who cares…? and that’s a pebble compared to the worse things people say out there.

    • alex durrell

      You’re right, that’s a pretty small complaint (which almost makes me wonder even more why anyone bothers?!) compared to some awful commentary out there. It’s pretty sad.

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